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It takes balls to Negotiate.......Or is Negotiation about keeping everybodies balls in the air. 5 balls is a full hand.
I am going to have to think hard here to decide what I originally thought of as my 5 ball healing technique. As it has changed and evolved. Very much like us humans. We
definitely have based a lot of what we do around the dozen, foot, hand (horses). But more recently returned to our 5 fingers times two. So to be honest I suspect the number has
NO MEANING WHAT SO EVER. It just makes you wonder, or think. A healthy business, that helps one iterate towards something for oneself.
For me I love the One Ball game Golf, that takes a relaxed, having balls attitude to win, forgive the pun, to negotiate!
I once went on a very good management course, on POSITIVE NEGOTIATION >>>>>>
It was based around a wonderful concept, called CURRENCIES and NEEDS. These are factors that have a value, just like money, that is a currency.
The name of the game, to a long lasting successful relationship, is a happy successful negotiation, or coming to an agreement for all parties. Obviously for that agreement
to be long lasting all parties need to have a mutual benefit. Screwing the opposite number into the ground, as many do, may in the short term, look like a good price, but at the
cost of pissing everyone off. Resulting in pain further down the road!
So the easy secret of achieving this happy ending for all, was a little self analysis and a willingness to be open and honest about what one's currencies are. The key to this is to
know, what the cost to each individual, each currency incurs whilst also finding an understanding of the benefits of each currency.
Then one can maximise the benefit and minimise the cost to all. Sound Easy. But often isn't I am afraid. But good self analysis and understanding of ones own views on the
value and cost of all the currencies on the table helps enormously. This process is also a lot of good fun for all.
So to the 5 Balls of this or 5 STAGES:
1/ Preplanning
- Identify your and their basic needs
- Identify all the alternative currencies
- Develop an initial outline of your comfort zone with opposing parties
- Assess Power Balance
- Soft or Hard.
- Intimate or Arms Length
- Trust Level Open or Closed, Improving or unlikely to change.
2/ Preliminary
- Build positive friendly climate
- Determine and agree ground rules
- Areas up for negotiation or not.
- Timing
- Mutual safe place to meet and minute taking etc.
3/ Opening
- State opening need.
- Check others opening position for understanding
- Value their currencies, Cost Benefit analysis to them and yourself.
4/ Exploring
- Identify all needs and opportunities for all parties
- Explore alternatives
- Be Creative for Oneself and Others
- Be as open as possible
- Use the Pygmalion effect to build trust when possible
5/ Closing
- Match currencies to needs
- Contract
- Ensure delivery is measurable
Now for the interesting bit. What tactics? does one use to bring out the best in oneself and others to get the maximum benefit to all? How does one find out the opposition's
currencies, sorry new partners currencies?
Or to put it bluntly how does one in a friendly manner twist the arm of others, without upsetting them? Cleanly in otherwards!
Technically it's called PERSUASION >>>>>
There are two key approaches; One is PULL  the other is
PUSH.  Yup it's like getting birds and lads! A neet game to try is to hold your
partners hand and try pulling and pushing and see which works best in terms of moving their hand to where you want it to go. GIVE IT A GO.
But Beware, stay clean! 
So to the 5 BALLS of PERSUASION for there are many different influencing techniques some clean and some not so.
1/ Persuading ............... A difficult area to get right.
- Proposing: pushing ideas, suggestions, recommendations
- Reasoning: pull if poss'., but usually push
facts and reasons to support position, or counter another.
2/ Asserting .................. Necessary to avoid the door mat syndrome, politely and neutrally.
- Stating Expectations:
- pushing demands, needs, hopes, desires, minimum standards.
- pulling Visioning, selling the benefits, positives, silver linings.
- Evaluating:
- pushing negative judgements
- pulling praise, finding the good and focusing on what will work.
- Incentives and Pressures
- pushing State must do's that you control. Revealing emotion.
- pulling Incentives and consequence that you are willing to apply
3/ Bridging .................... A friendly bridge building exercise, to gain friendship and trust. PULLING
- Involving and Supporting
- pulling Finding/soliciting different views. encouraging, helping.
- Listening
- pulling
summarising gently ones understanding, staying quite, really quite, longer than you thought possible.
- Disclosing
- pushing Admitting mistakes, using friendly emotion,
- Intimacy
- pushing
Asking for help, in a non needy fashion. Whilst avoiding prostituting, that is stealing time or value. Fitting others needs, when possible or easy todo. If
difficult, the effort destroys the longevity of what is possible.
4/ Attracting .................. Make it sexy.
- Visioning
- pulling Presenting, painting an exciting possibility.
- Finding Common Ground
- pulling / pushing Flirting. Highlighting areas of common agreement. Expressing common values. Sharing likes.
5/ Moving Away ................ Separation, Creating space to avoid crowding a PULLING TECHNIQUE.
- Disengaging
- Reducing tension, by quietening drawing back. Moving to a new location.
- Avoiding
- Managing every ones comfort zones, to avoid discomfort.
Clearly pulling techniques work better. That is what clean management is all about. Listening, drawing the horse to the water, and giving time for choice.
Balance between pulling and pushing, is what they say it's all about. Hard to think about. For balance is difficult and sometimes impossible. Better to look for easy to
maintain balance rather than near impossible. This water drop is clearily upside down, for eg. Get common sense into play and make things easy, so we all can relax.
The game 'GO' is a wonderful negotiation between two people, were one constantly has to find the right balance, between attack and defence. A little
like chess, but much more complex. The Japanese military use it to teach strategy. Whilst also rating it as a measure of management ability.
Fun is often an easier vision and target for success. But be careful to make the fun safe, whilst exciting.
To Conclude.
With a little openness it's possible to find the best overall solution for all parties. When that is clearily unavailable, it's clear to all that they are better staying separate. Just
that knowledge, that this relationship, negotiation is never going to work, can save a lot of future heartache and unnecessary cost to the parties involved. So good quality
negotiation is all about honesty, openness, respect for others, even the ones you dislike. The result is good understanding of what's possible, what is dangerous or harmful and
what would be really fun todo. Where disagreement is strong, agreement to stay separate and let others be, to do their thing, is an often over looked solution. quite often, with
just some understanding of opposing parties and sensitivity towards theirs needs, can be enough to stop a dangerous hurtful relationship developing.
So back to it takes BALLS TO NEGOTIATE, the balls (or bravery) aren't always the balls you think they are. Being prepared to give up a little, or go without the the big prize to
give the other party good health and the ability to continue, with their own prized currencies, often takes even more BALLS. Looking for what will work longterm, always helps to
see the really worthwhile goals.
So good luck with your negotiating and if it's good you will make longterm friends and happy relationships.
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